Couples Therapy
“Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love
-
you will find that you are left holding only yourself.” ― Leo Buscaglia
My practice includes therapy with couples of all sexual orientations, ages and cultural backgrounds.
The nature of relationships and attachment to another is one of our most precious gifts; offering safety, love, comfort, support, pleasure, and security. Through these complex dynamics of trust and intimacy may also spring the troubling issues that plague some relationships during various stages of their journey.
People come for couples therapy when they find that they are having difficulty communicating, connecting, growing, or finding a unique sense of purpose to their relationship. Others suffer troubles as a result of changing values, new life roles, or significant events or shifts in their journey. Still others may suffer something deeper and more troublesome - sometimes appearing as distance and disconnection, perhaps cloaked by contempt, criticism, or silence; smoldering for months or even years, barely below the surface of day-to-day life. This is often informed by unaddressed disagreements, galvanized by time, creating deep-seeded resentment. These conditions may be further complicated by stains on the soul or ill patterns developed from previous relationships or family issues - complicated by guilt, shame, abuse, or other old wounds. Commonly, these create complicated emotional barriers in self and between partners that require professional therapeutic help to effectively resolve.
The main goals of my work with couples is to address the barriers and voids to partners struggles, examine the uniqueness and varying perspectives of each individual, identify the conscious and subconscious forces present within the differences, and develop new ways of relating that are consistent with the goals of therapy. My approach is integrated, working multi-dimensionally from acute, intrapersonal, interpersonal, and systemic perspectives.
From “acute” perspective - I work with “the crisis” or urgent problems that are brought for resolution in an“active” manner that involves a dialogue about the problem(s), their root causes, and action toward resolution based upon the unique strengths of the partners. This approach typically employs goals, accountability from both partners, and a solution-focused approach from all parties.
From “intrapersonal" perspective - I work with the individual parts of each partner uncovering, exploring, and honoring their gifts and uniqueness. This frequently includes exploring the conscious and unconscious dynamics that are often carried over from each person’s experience growing up, crafting the very essence of how we see ourselves and what we expect in relation to our partner. This includes the deepest heart-felt matters of expectations, hope, trustworthiness, trust, risk, and vulnerability in the eyes of your partner – all inherent to the deepest intimacy our souls and relationships desire.
From “interpersonal” perspective - I work with couples from a basis of understanding that problems together often arise from a intricate combination of factors including imprinted attachment patterns developed by experience or modeling, which are often repeated - activating and clashing with our partners learned experiences. When brought forth, this allows us to see our present day partners more truthfully and genuinely, separate from the relational dance that is created in coupleship. This encourages us to see and accept our partners for who they are — not what we want them to be; not what we wish they would change into; not for what they can give us; but who they are - special, unique individuals. This will untangle us from seeing them as a perfect mirror image of ourselves - inviting both partners to fully express oneself and experience one another, often for the first time.
From “systemic” perspective - I work with the partners’ problems within the context of the entire family as a system of interacting parts, with the understanding that the system as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts. When these dynamics can be identified there is the potential for differentiating and reconstructing them in a more healthful manner. This encourages the couple toward developing positive and secure relationships through healthy and safe boundaries, while simutaneously improving their well-being and the richness of deeper family and relational experiences.
“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be.
Don't let them put you in that position." ― Leo Buscaglia
Willamette Counseling Services, Barry W. McVay, M.A., LPC
Individual & Couples Therapist
"Help in finding your path to healing, vitality and wholeness..."
Anxiety - Depression - Shame - Relationships - Family Issues - Couples - Addictions - Co-Dependency - Sexual Addiction - Trust - Intimacy
Serving the Greater Portland area, South Waterfront, Sellwood, John's Landing, Terwilliger-Lair Hill, OHSU, Portland State and Multnomah area
you will find that you are left holding only yourself.” ― Leo Buscaglia
My practice includes therapy with couples of all sexual orientations, ages and cultural backgrounds.
The nature of relationships and attachment to another is one of our most precious gifts; offering safety, love, comfort, support, pleasure, and security. Through these complex dynamics of trust and intimacy may also spring the troubling issues that plague some relationships during various stages of their journey.
People come for couples therapy when they find that they are having difficulty communicating, connecting, growing, or finding a unique sense of purpose to their relationship. Others suffer troubles as a result of changing values, new life roles, or significant events or shifts in their journey. Still others may suffer something deeper and more troublesome - sometimes appearing as distance and disconnection, perhaps cloaked by contempt, criticism, or silence; smoldering for months or even years, barely below the surface of day-to-day life. This is often informed by unaddressed disagreements, galvanized by time, creating deep-seeded resentment. These conditions may be further complicated by stains on the soul or ill patterns developed from previous relationships or family issues - complicated by guilt, shame, abuse, or other old wounds. Commonly, these create complicated emotional barriers in self and between partners that require professional therapeutic help to effectively resolve.
The main goals of my work with couples is to address the barriers and voids to partners struggles, examine the uniqueness and varying perspectives of each individual, identify the conscious and subconscious forces present within the differences, and develop new ways of relating that are consistent with the goals of therapy. My approach is integrated, working multi-dimensionally from acute, intrapersonal, interpersonal, and systemic perspectives.
From “acute” perspective - I work with “the crisis” or urgent problems that are brought for resolution in an“active” manner that involves a dialogue about the problem(s), their root causes, and action toward resolution based upon the unique strengths of the partners. This approach typically employs goals, accountability from both partners, and a solution-focused approach from all parties.
From “intrapersonal" perspective - I work with the individual parts of each partner uncovering, exploring, and honoring their gifts and uniqueness. This frequently includes exploring the conscious and unconscious dynamics that are often carried over from each person’s experience growing up, crafting the very essence of how we see ourselves and what we expect in relation to our partner. This includes the deepest heart-felt matters of expectations, hope, trustworthiness, trust, risk, and vulnerability in the eyes of your partner – all inherent to the deepest intimacy our souls and relationships desire.
From “interpersonal” perspective - I work with couples from a basis of understanding that problems together often arise from a intricate combination of factors including imprinted attachment patterns developed by experience or modeling, which are often repeated - activating and clashing with our partners learned experiences. When brought forth, this allows us to see our present day partners more truthfully and genuinely, separate from the relational dance that is created in coupleship. This encourages us to see and accept our partners for who they are — not what we want them to be; not what we wish they would change into; not for what they can give us; but who they are - special, unique individuals. This will untangle us from seeing them as a perfect mirror image of ourselves - inviting both partners to fully express oneself and experience one another, often for the first time.
From “systemic” perspective - I work with the partners’ problems within the context of the entire family as a system of interacting parts, with the understanding that the system as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts. When these dynamics can be identified there is the potential for differentiating and reconstructing them in a more healthful manner. This encourages the couple toward developing positive and secure relationships through healthy and safe boundaries, while simutaneously improving their well-being and the richness of deeper family and relational experiences.
“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be.
Don't let them put you in that position." ― Leo Buscaglia
Willamette Counseling Services, Barry W. McVay, M.A., LPC
Individual & Couples Therapist
"Help in finding your path to healing, vitality and wholeness..."
Anxiety - Depression - Shame - Relationships - Family Issues - Couples - Addictions - Co-Dependency - Sexual Addiction - Trust - Intimacy
Serving the Greater Portland area, South Waterfront, Sellwood, John's Landing, Terwilliger-Lair Hill, OHSU, Portland State and Multnomah area
